tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post605741822091669152..comments2023-10-17T07:00:42.718-03:00Comments on Love YA: Team Mónica #2 -- TAGESTRAUMAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00482654021641010175noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-85935768077789874442012-05-22T10:05:20.784-04:002012-05-22T10:05:20.784-04:00#2 TAGESTRAUM
Query:
Watch your tense in the fi...#2 TAGESTRAUM<br /><br />Query: <br /><br />Watch your tense in the first sentence—queries are in present tense, so you may want to change “never saw it that way” to “has never seen it that way.”<br /><br />The first paragraph and a half here read more like the setup for a thriller to me than a fantasy, and I kept waiting to see where the fantasy came in. I wonder if you can hint about the fantastical element earlier…maybe Adrian’s nightmares have never seemed like just nightmares to him?<br /><br />That said, I think the query is solid overall. I am sufficiently intrigued and creeped out. =)<br /><br />First page:<br /><br />You’ve got some nice tension here and waste no time jumping into the plot of the story. I just have a few nitpicks: “The sketch now stared up at Adrian from his coffee table with its wide, blank eyes.” This makes it sound like the coffee table has eyes. Maybe, “From his coffee table, the sketch…” would work better.<br /><br />And I think there’s a word missing (another “over”?) in “business card over and between his fingers.”Tara Dairmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02553180762608936696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-72060778051509101902012-05-20T13:28:16.872-04:002012-05-20T13:28:16.872-04:00Really love the last line of your query! This is s...Really love the last line of your query! This is so creepy and atmospheric. Very intriguing! Good luck!Noelle Henryhttp://noellehenry.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-8923343090016655642012-05-19T17:01:44.309-04:002012-05-19T17:01:44.309-04:00This is so chilling - I really wish that I could r...This is so chilling - I really wish that I could read the entire book! Such a strong 250 words! GREAT job!!!Jennie Baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02088195986628533511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-53324395264003840252012-05-19T16:34:57.766-04:002012-05-19T16:34:57.766-04:00Very strong query. Fabulous opening line! Good luc...Very strong query. Fabulous opening line! Good luck to you!Kimberly Gabrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588782441929008886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-60526830720482351622012-05-19T01:53:07.068-04:002012-05-19T01:53:07.068-04:00Chilling thought - someone who comes from your nig...Chilling thought - someone who comes from your nightmares! You rock this, my friend! Awesome query and opening.<br /><br />Good luck!TYHatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00654651712633828288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-32786326569201099982012-05-18T21:45:16.968-04:002012-05-18T21:45:16.968-04:00Ooh...what a great first line. Excellent query, t...Ooh...what a great first line. Excellent query, too. I would love to read this.Lisa K.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00379245068324225101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-17570264902709947772012-05-18T19:12:30.394-04:002012-05-18T19:12:30.394-04:00You had me at "The Nightmare Man came today.&...You had me at "The Nightmare Man came today." Wow! Good luck!Jamie Corriganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11837319723353425561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-76564411221075645502012-05-18T16:39:20.205-04:002012-05-18T16:39:20.205-04:00Another YA reader here who would totally read this...Another YA reader here who would totally read this. <333 the title and how it fits in with the concept. Beautiful writing in the opener--makes me want to read more!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-45283194661897538112012-05-18T16:19:34.508-04:002012-05-18T16:19:34.508-04:00Love this premise. Good luck!Love this premise. Good luck!Sarah Hensonhttp://wordencounters.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-57470895325074144142012-05-18T16:15:19.083-04:002012-05-18T16:15:19.083-04:00You have me at the first line EVERY SINGLE TIME. I...You have me at the first line EVERY SINGLE TIME. I love it.Becca C.http://beccaweston.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-40332401953309800122012-05-18T12:45:36.794-04:002012-05-18T12:45:36.794-04:00Blurring the lines between dreams, memories,and ni...Blurring the lines between dreams, memories,and nightmares? 0_0 Well, that right there is enough to terrify me. Sounds AWESOME! Good luck!Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-58090104634553722782012-05-18T11:03:13.316-04:002012-05-18T11:03:13.316-04:00I love the last line in the query and the descript...I love the last line in the query and the description of the nightmare man - it gives me such a creepy picture in my head. Good luck!Michelle Masonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00180842477967297259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-45910751185000133092012-05-18T10:08:09.346-04:002012-05-18T10:08:09.346-04:00SO creepy - that first line is killer! I would tot...SO creepy - that first line is killer! I would totally read more! Good luck with this!Jamie Greyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07504892632149036762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-58172215752242001282012-05-17T23:38:41.840-04:002012-05-17T23:38:41.840-04:00Holy Cow! How did I miss this the first time aroun...Holy Cow! How did I miss this the first time around? This was creepy, awesome, and soo exciting. I want to read this book!Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17789434379917863100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-32930238163174967152012-05-17T18:04:21.215-04:002012-05-17T18:04:21.215-04:00I love the idea of a Nightmare Man! Good luck! Go ...I love the idea of a Nightmare Man! Good luck! Go Team Monica!Valeriehttp://www.valerie-cole.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-48673196716336450862012-05-17T15:50:27.533-04:002012-05-17T15:50:27.533-04:00Love the last line of your query... and awesome op...Love the last line of your query... and awesome opening.Heather Clarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13826379973881691514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-74838504049726841622012-05-17T14:48:39.121-04:002012-05-17T14:48:39.121-04:00The Nightmare Man came today? Do what? That first ...The Nightmare Man came today? Do what? That first line is nightmare juice! Great, great, great job!April Wallhttp://aewelch.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-34979198491446652712012-05-17T14:40:44.167-04:002012-05-17T14:40:44.167-04:00OOo The Nightmare Man? Sounds awesome!!OOo The Nightmare Man? Sounds awesome!!erica m. chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773306703153110737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-84626746811091890832012-05-17T14:32:52.131-04:002012-05-17T14:32:52.131-04:00That query is fantastic! Go Team Monica!That query is fantastic! Go Team Monica!Ambiguous_Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14401920531742299549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-47232857909278939752012-05-17T13:49:57.925-04:002012-05-17T13:49:57.925-04:00I love how creepy this sounds. And i Love scary Fa...I love how creepy this sounds. And i Love scary Fairies. Team Monica FTW!Sarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-200721485261992830.post-88467230724691692382012-05-17T11:57:29.459-04:002012-05-17T11:57:29.459-04:00I don't read a lot of adult fiction, but I wou...I don't read a lot of adult fiction, but I would read this one. Sounds like an awesome fantasy. Go Team Monica!!!Kimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01563329666140091151noreply@blogger.com