Two tips for THE CALL with a literary agent when offered representation.

Just so you know, guys, I would have paid GOLD if someone gave me these two tips before THE CALL.

CAVEAT: Works with scheduled SKYPE calls only.

1) Try to get/borrow a computer that doesn’t whir when warmed up. The agent might ask, “What is that weird sound?” And you might be too nervous to admit your computer is from the Flintstones era. And then you’ll end up more even nervous than when the conversation started.

2) DON'T try to curl up your eyelashes before The Call. The eyelash curler can snap against your eyelid (yanno, because you might press too damn hard since you are so nervous) and that could leave a big bruise right above your eye. AND also leave you half-blind for an hour. Seriously--don't curl your eyelashes!

<3

Mónica

THE Call (How Michelle Wolfson Offered Representation, part III)

I think we have a psychic in our blogosphere.  It’s Carrie, since last week she asked in the comments section if—to climb to the second floor and answer The Call—there was a trampoline involved.

There is! 

I’d seen my nine-year-old dangle from the upper railing of the trampoline’s enclosure net.  If he could do it, I could do it, too, right?  I mean, I’m much taller.  Could I hold on to that railing and, with the help of my kids, pull myself up to the terrace?  

Well, I just had to. 

We pushed the trampoline until it was right next to the wall, and I climbed up through the net—without looking down.  So scary to look down.  After all, this IS a pretty high second floor.  I think the adrenaline of knowing Michelle was waiting for The Call, too, made me get there all right.  Because now, I look at the terrace from below, and I have no idea how I got up there.

Finally, I opened the window, and sat at the computer’s desk.  And trembled like crazy—my heart thumping as much as I make my MC’s hearts thump in the scary scenes.  I clamped my eyes shut, leaned back in the chair and tried to relax.  No relaxing thoughts came, though, only the ringing of my computer arrived.  The Skype call had started!

I pushed the button to answer.

At first glance, Michelle seemed like an incredibly nice person, and I thought she didn’t look at all like her WriteOnCon picture.  (Her hair was shorter and her face appeared even peppier, if possible.) After looking at her, I took a sneak peek at the picture-in-picture to see my own face.  Eek—my eyes were bugging out, my jaw practically hanging.  I quickly tried a more normal expression, and then we started with the small talk.  Which was great, obviously, since I needed to relax. 

Turns out I couldn’t even manage a decent small talk.  Something like this happened:

-Michelle:  “So, Monica, what’s the weather like today there?”

-Me: “Um, warm.”  *thinks it’s a great moment to let Michelle look at something else other than a blushing face* “See for yourself.” *Turns the computer’s camera toward the window*

-Michelle: “Oh that’s a nice view you have there.  Do you want to see my view?”

-Me: “Okay.”

-Michelle: *shows me a lovely view of Manhattan.*

-Me: “Oh.  A building!” *Thinks: a building?? That’s your best reply??? Duh! Michelle lives in New York, of course there are going to be buildings there! What a hillbilly, Monica! Why couldn’t you say something normal about the view, like Michelle?* *Blushes even more*

Well, you get the picture of what a terrible “small talker” I am.

But luckily, Michelle wasn’t nervous like me and she took up the reins of the conversation and led it through all the agenting process and answered all my silly questions. She even excused me when I just couldn’t pronounce “Paranormalcy” when we were talking about her recent book deals. (Thanks for your patience, Michelle!)

I was so impressed by her enthusiasm about my book, her ideas for making it better, that I knew that she was the one.  The perfect agent for me. 

So when we hung up, guess what I did???

I honestly don’t remember! I mean, I was so elated, that it was kind of like being drunk.  Because the next thing I knew, I was next door, picking up the kids from my mom’s house, screaming that I finally had an agent!!!

The Day of THE Call. (How Michelle Wolfson Offered Representation, part II)

When I write in English, I usually riffle through dictionaries or translators.  I also Google stuff to get the voice right, or to find the right word.  When I speak in English—hold on.  I almost NEVER speak in English! And if I do, my tongue trips or my mind goes blank.  Or both.  (Yeah, definitely both.)

So there I was, expecting a Skype video call, which would be held in a language my tongue refused to speak, and the person calling would be this fabulous agent who hadn’t offered representation yet.  At least, she loved my novel, right?  But what if she saw me on her computer screen and, after hearing me make some noises that hardly resembled English, decided I wasn’t a fit, after all? 

Talk about nervous. 

The night before The Call, I had this Skype rehearsal with my lovely CP, Holly L’oiseau, and she said my English was good.  Of course she was just being nice, but still, it kind of helped me prepare.  It also helped that Michelle said she didn’t mind if I had a thick accent.  And that if it made me feel better, I could even make fun of her own New York accent when we talked.  (That was so sweet, wasn’t it?)

Anyway, the other preparations for The Call weren’t going so well.  My husband was going out of town and was taking with him the only computer with a video camera we have.  To top it off, the ONE computer I managed to borrow was having a Skype strike on me.  Argh.

The morning of The Call, I contacted the computer technician, and after he did some real magic on the borrowed computer, I was all set.  (All set, that is, except for my tripping tongue issues, of course.)  So I had lunch with my three boys—well, more like they had lunch while I stared, since my stomach was too churned-up to tolerate any food—and when The Call was just minutes away, off I went to get the computer.  Only to find out that my five-year-old had locked the room where the PC was.  From the outside. And I had no idea where the key was!

The only way of getting to the computer was to climb up to the terrace of the second floor and enter through the window.  At least I knew it was opened.

Just so you can picture the task, I’ve pasted a photo of my house.  The computer room is the one on the upper right corner.

I didn’t have a ladder.  I didn’t have time to go look for one.  The call was about ten minutes away.  What on earth could I do???

To be continued….

PS: I’ll post the next installment on 1/25.