STITCHING
SNOW
YA
Sci-Fi
69,000
words
Query:
Seventeen-year-old
Essie knows how to stitch up robotic drones so the men in the mining settlement
remember she’s worth keeping around. She knows how to use her fists to make
sure they keep their hands off her. But all her self-preservation skills don’t
tell her how to deal with Kyle, a boy who’s depending on her to get his crashed
shuttle off the ground and out of orbit.
He’s
polite, chivalrous, even a little charming, and he gives Essie the kind of
attention she’s never had ... until he discovers her secret. She’s the missing
princess of Windsong, nemesis of his home planet, Candara. One betrayal later,
he’s taking her home whether she likes it or not, to exchange for Candarans
held captive by Essie’s father. What Kyle doesn’t know is she had damn good
reasons for running away. His ‘leverage’ means her death.
STITCHING
SNOW is a tale of Snow White in space, if Snow were a cage-fighting tech-head
with daddy issues.
First
page:
It took seventeen seconds to decide Jarom Thacker’s
reputation as sharpest fighter on Thanda had been exaggerated. At twice my
size—and age—he was still quick, forcing me to move or risk getting pinned
against the cage. Like everyone else who came through Mining Settlement
Forty-Two, though, he aimed for my gut. Never the most obvious target.
Wouldn’t want to botch the pretty
girl’s face, right? Idiot.
I blocked him on the left but
missed his fist slamming into me on the right. Pain flared through my ribs. The
fire spurred me on, and I slipped Thacker’s grip when he grabbed at my arm.
Unlike him, I had no qualms about
uglifying him further—not with the way he looked at me, the shudder it sent
across my skin. The heel of my palm slammed into his nose with a satisfying
crunch despite the cushioning of my shock-fiber handwraps. He ignored the blood
and lunged blindly. An easy dodge, and I took the opening to knee his groin.
When he doubled over, I kicked his legs from under him. He dropped and I
followed, bracing my legs against his while my upper body pinned his shoulders.
The shouts surrounding the cage crested as Thacker pushed against the
threadbare mat. Before he could throw me off, I grabbed a fistful of his hair
and slammed his head down.
“Three . . . two . . . one . . .
fight goes to Forty-Two’s own Essie.”
What do you mean *if* Snow White were a cage-fighting tech-head with daddy issues?
ReplyDeleteGod, that last line if your query is basically my favorite thing I have ever read in life. (And the rest is pretty damn good too!)
Love Snow White in space. Brilliant. Go Team Monica!!!
ReplyDeleteYES! Cage fighters in space!
ReplyDelete"STITCHING SNOW is a tale of Snow White in space, if Snow were a cage-fighting tech-head with daddy issues."
ReplyDeleteCan I just say that this line alone is enough to make me want to read this? Go Team Monica!
This. I'm sold. Sign me up, I want on this ride!
DeleteSnow White in space is all I needed to LOVE all of this. Seriously. Great voice, great query!!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those stories that I would normally not even be interested in and you make a complete convert out of me because the story is just that good!!
ReplyDeleteHoney... you rock. That is a freaking awesome query and opening. So fascinated to see where it goes next.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the last line of your query! The MC seems like a total badass--I'd follow her anywhere
ReplyDeleteLove the specificity you've worked into the query - and of course, THE CAGE FIGHT. All that's missing is the drones! :D Love it - GOOD LUCK!
ReplyDeleteSound so cool! I wish you luck, my dear. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is totally one of my favorites - I LOVE the the concept and the writing is fantastic. I hope you get a ton of requests!
ReplyDeleteVery cool concept!
ReplyDeleteLove Essie, love the premise, triple love the voice in the opening. So glad this one is in the running - I think it's going to be a big hit on Monday!
ReplyDeleteNeat twist on the old fairytale. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteStill love this concept and would love to read more! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteGreat query...and I ADORE the title. I would definitely read this!
ReplyDeleteSnow White in space. There you go!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Love both the query and the snippet - awesome writing! :)
ReplyDeleteI remember this from the first round. Loved it then too! Great last line of your query. Great opening scene!
ReplyDeleteYour entire query letter rocks hard, but ending with this is brilliant: STITCHING SNOW is a tale of Snow White in space, if Snow were a cage-fighting tech-head with daddy issues. Love that! I can't wait to read the entire thing!
ReplyDeleteLove this concept! Snow White in space! So cool. And I'm not even much of a sci-fi reader. But I'd pick this up! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI vote for you!
ReplyDeleteI vote for you!
ReplyDeleteI vote for you!
ReplyDelete#3 STITCHING SNOW
ReplyDeleteQuery:
You set up an intriguing world here and a feisty main character. I did assume in the first paragraph that the mining settlement was on earth, though, so if it’s on another planet, you might want to pop that in. (You might also want to pop a “that” into this sentence: “What Kyle doesn’t know is THAT she had…”)
The final line is amusing, although I have to say that the plot presented in the query really didn’t make me think of Snow White at all.
First page:
Fight! Fight! =) I love getting thrown right into the action here, and getting to know Essie’s personality by seeing what goes through her mind as she fights. The writing is really strong and you do a great job of giving us glimpses of the world we’re in (“Settlement Forty-Two,” “shock-fiber handwraps”) without hitting us over the head with it. I think that this is really nicely done.
Snow White in space is pretty intriguing. I actually laughed out loud at that. Your query is awesome, nice work.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on landing an agent! This does indeed sound amazing!!!
ReplyDelete